Dear Dan,

You are crude and unrefined, and your revisionist attitude towards history disturbs me.  I clearly destroyed you in homerun derby.  Also, I have forwarded your "mail-order bride" comments to Caryl and she has chosen words such as "tosser" and "wanker" to refer to you.  Check yourself before you wreck yourself, fool.

Faithfully,

Jeremiah

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one, my seaman friend.  I am flattered that your girlfriend had such harsh words for me.  I've always wanted to be insulted by a Brit.  Wankers rule!